


it's so swell, damn it, even i'm surprised

by kosmokuns



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anger Management, Arguing, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Good Boyfriend Steve Rogers, M/M, Past Domestic Violence, YES ITS A TAG, and is between buckynat, and they say ‘ain’t’ a lot, but um, i always write them fighting I’m sorry, i don’t mean to kakskks, i guess??, it is implied for about one word, thats all folks, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-04-05 17:10:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19044772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kosmokuns/pseuds/kosmokuns
Summary: Steve had never seen Bucky like this, never this angry. The entire few months they had been dating, Steve had never seen Bucky get angry and now, he guessed, he knew why.





	it's so swell, damn it, even i'm surprised

**Author's Note:**

> this is written in tribute to marvin and whizzer

Steve opened the door to their apartment, shoving it upward in an attempt to get the key to unlock the door. He was deathly silent. Trampling through, Bucky pushed past him into the main kitchen diner area of the room, he threw his jumper off onto the back of the couch and toed off his black leather boots. Steve came through afterward, closing the door quietly and locking it again. Him and Bucky had only been dating for a few months, and Steve had never seen him this irritable. They had been on a dinner date when the waiter had got Bucky’s order wrong and everything from there seemed to go down hill. He had almost yelled at Steve in the car park for taking to long to get the keys out of his satchel, he hadn’t yelled, but Steve has seen his face twitch when he asked him to hurry up.

“Buck, something’s up with you, I can tell, you’ve been snappy all night?” Steve reached out gently, placing a hand on the other man’s shoulder. He was promptly brushed off.

“Nothin’ Steve,” He grunted, keeping his back to Steve with his arms folded,

“I can tell it ain’t nothin’,” Steve replied gently, not wanting to upset Bucky. He didn’t get response for a few seconds while Bucky’s shoulders heaved up and down as he breathed hard.

“I don’t need you fucking asking about my business Steve! I just had a hard day, that’s all. Ain’t a guy allowed a hard day around here? Or do I have to be all okay and normal for you?!” Bucky whirled around and shouted the words right into Steve’s face, he could feel the spit landing on his cheeks as Bucky spoke, “I’m just living my life Steve, I don’t need you coming round to check on me every day. I ain’t a fucking child! You don’t gotta treat me like one!”

Steve stood in shock before recovering, and because he was a headstrong bastard, he also then had to shout,

“I ain’t treating you like a child Buck, where has all this come from?! I was just trying to have a nice date with my boyfriend and look, somehow I’ve gone and ruined it when you were the one yellin’ at waiters!” He said, incredulous, “How is this any of my fault?”

Bucky shifted from foot to foot, hands balled into fists at his side and red mist coming down over his eyes. It silhouetted Steve in black, blurring out his face, his eyes, everything that made Steve, Steve.

“I ain’t gotta explain myself to you and I don’t care about any waiters!” Bucky screamed, “You’re just being selfish because you want me to be your perfect little happy boyfriend!”

Time froze. Bucky’s breathing was heavy and erratic and his shoulders were up to his ears, tensed to the fullest. Steve noticed the balled hands and centre of gravity dropped low, equal weight on either leg. His brain was going so fast Steve could barely comprehend any of it, thoughts whizzing in and out of his consciousness too fast to grip anything. Something flickered across Bucky’s deep brown eyes for a minuscule moment and then it was gone. It almost looked like fear.

Bucky sprinted out of the room, heavy footsteps crashing on the cheap, fake wood floor and body banging into the hollow the walls as he struggled to contain his movements. He skidded into Steve’s bedroom and sunk to the floor after locking the door. He put his hands in his hair and tugged hard while trying to regain control of his breathing. He was disgusted with himself, he said he would take care of Steve, look after him more than he had looked after Natasha. He had promised himself it would be different this time, that he would be in control this time. But he still wasn’t. He hasn’t made any progress as Sam told him he had. He had still almost hit Steve. Fuck. He had almost hit Steve. He pulled on his hair tighter as a sob broke lose, tears streaming down his face.

Steve was paralysed to the spot. They had been fighting and then Bucky had just run. Really run. Bruises on your body kind of run. He had never seen Bucky that angry before, hell, he had never even seen Bucky angry before. Before he had time to process that thought though, the noise of a muffled sob reached his ears. _Oh, Bucky._

Steve ran down the hallway, and tried to wrench the door of his bedroom open, it was Bucky’s favourite room in the apartment due to the brightly coloured paintings and large arm chairs, but it was locked.

“Bucky, sweetheart, you gotta unlock the door,” The only answer he received was louder sobs. It broke something inside Steve, “Buck, please unlock the door, I’m getting worried, sweetheart,”He said more urgently, ear to the door.

The door unlocked with a flurry of movement from inside the room. Steve breathed a sigh of relief.

He opened the door carefully and steadily, giving Bucky plenty of time to shut it again if he needed to. By the time it was fully open, Steve saw that Bucky was crouched in the opposite corner of the room, knees pulled up to his chest and hands tugging harshly on his hair. Steve didn’t think he’d seen anything more heartbreaking in his life.

He approached slowly, not wanting to startle Bucky and as he neared the sobs got louder again and Bucky tried to press himself further back into the wall. Steve stopped moving.

“I won’t come any closer if you don’t want me to, but you gotta tell me what’s wrong,” Steve said quietly,

“I didn’t take care of you,” Bucky said in between sobs and Steve gave him confused expression in reply, “We fought and I got angry and I almost-,” He broke out crying again, “I almost hit you Steve,” He said, “Good boyfriends don’t hit the people they love,” He finished the last part only a whisper. His eyes resolutely refusing to leave the floor and his hands still pulling and twisting his hair. “It was the same feeling as when I-,” He bit his lip, “When I hit my last girlfriend Natasha. I promised myself I wouldn’t do it again, got help and everything, but none of it worked,”

Steve was crying by then, hot, salty tears running down his pale cheeks. They stained his skin, left it red and painful.

“No, sweetheart, by recognising that feeling and removing yourself from the situation is taking care of me,” Steve said. He took Bucky’s hands out of his hair and squeezed them tightly, wrapping his big hands around Bucky’s smaller ones. Bucky finally looked up,

“You ain’t-, you ain’t mad?” His eyes were filled with so much disbelief that Steve almost felt mad at whoever made this man believe he was unworthy of love because of his anger,

“No, sweetheart, I ain’t mad. You took good care of me,” He squeezed Bucky’s hands again, “I’m proud of you,”

There was so much earnestness in Steve eyes Bucky could have cried again. Steve still loved him, still wanted him, even after his confession.

“I don’t wanna hurt you,” He whispered and Steve pressed his forehead to Bucky’s and said,

“You won’t. I love you,”

“I love you too”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! i appreciate exams are coming up and that we are all procrastinating so here is my gift to the procrastination fics. i love every single of yall and i know you’re all going to do brilliantly!! get those A*s, get those 9s, now quit reading this and go study!


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